My Rockstar Penis

Fred Durst penis learned a valuable lesson when his Fred Durst sex tape came out; if you’re going to record yourself having sex, then you should probably take it off your computer before you send it out for repairs. Although I have to admit that having a Fred Durst sex tape on it might actually be what be what caused the problem in the first place. Certainly, imagining Fred Durst bopping a groupie, him wearing nothing but a red base ball cap, backwards, is enough to make my brain go all blue screen of death.

Naturally, when the guy who was fixing the computer realized what he had, he did the only sensible thing: he stole it and sold it to the highest bidder. Perhaps not as surprisingly, this sex tape failed to be the kind of hot seller that One Night in Paris or the Ray J Kim Kardashian sex tape, mainly because it didn’t feature a hot young socialite and, quite possibly, because the interest in seeing Fred Durst’s penis was not as strong as you might have hoped.

Durst himself was sufficiently incensed by the sex tape that he ended up suing ten websites that he decided were responsible for the sex tape getting out. In fact, he decided that this particular unwilling porno was worth suing for seventy million dollars, and there is only one conclusion that can be drawn: Durst was clearly so embarrassed by the sex tape that he thought it did millions of dollars worth of vengeance. Fred Durst’s penis is especially spectacular, but it’s not seventy million bad.

This should be a valuable lesson for Fred, aside from the fact that you shouldn’t leave your sex tapes on unsecured computers; if you’re going to make a sex tape, you should probably make sure that your onscreen performance is everything it should be. This is something that Fred Durst’s penis wishes that Fred knew.

Maxuvia is one great way to do this; it’s specially designed supplement that enhances everything you need to do yourself proud in your own sex tapes. It will give you great stamina, better erections and generally have you feeling like a rock star, so if your sex tape gets out, you won’t have million dollar regrets.

Tagged with: Groupies • Sex Tape

Filed under: Fred Durst

You know, there are certain celebrities who you kind of expect to have a sex tape out. Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape? Yeah, that seems pretty reasonable. Fred Durst sex tape? That sounds like something he would do. Screech from Saved the Bell? Well, that’s…wait, no. No that doesn’t seem like the sort of thing a fair and just universe would allow. Surely no one would want to see Dustin Diamond’s penis?

There is, despite the mindscouring horror that it implies, a Dustin Diamond sex tape is out there in the world. This would probably be shocking enough, but the Dustin Diamond sex tape was actually released by, well, Dustin Diamond. Which makes it relatively unique amongst celebrity sex tapes, which are usually night vision affairs released to the protests of the people starring in them.

Back in 2004, Diamond was pursuing a career in stand up comedy, and rightfully thought that he had been most forgotten by the public, becoming one of the few Saved by the Bell stars to lapse into more or less complete obscurity. The answer was obvious; a Dustin Diamond sex tape would definitely put him back on the map.

Not just released, actually; he went to various porn conventions to promote it. The truth is, Dustin Diamond’s penis actually acquitted himself pretty well on his sex tape. The tape was forty minutes long and Diamond was actually a lot more effective than you expect from someone who used to be Screech.

But, like anything else, there was room for improvement. What Dustin Diamond and Dustin Diamond’s penis should have done was prepared ahead of time by taking a male enhancement supplement, like Maxuvia.

Maxuvia a specially developed mixture ten ingredients designed to enhance ever y aspect of being a guy. More testosterone, harder erections, a great sex drive. Even if you aren’t going to be starring in your own sex tape, with Maxuvia, no one is going to mistake you for Screech.

Tagged with: Sex Tape

Filed under: Dustin Diamond Screech Penis

Art Alexakalis isn’t quite a one hit wonder; since Everclear had probably two popular songs. He is also, quiet definitely, not a one hit wonder in the Art Alexakalis penis department either. While Alexakalis might be old, sort of shriveled and held on to that bleach blonde hair way longer than any human ever should have, he is the possessor of monstrous, although not quite Tommy Lee sized, penis which is definitely helpful if you’re going to try and get lots of women when you’re old and slightly shriveled lead singer of a moderately successful and largely forgotten nineties band.

Unfortunately for him, Alexakalis is also reputedly an example of the saying that size isn’t everything. Most of the time, this is applied to something that’s small but does a great job, and is often used by men who are less than heroically endowed. In this case, it’s opposite, because while Alexakalis has a monster dong, he is not one of the most popular rock stars for groupies to sleep with.

The skinny on Alexakalis from groupie websites is that while he has a huge appetite for sex, he also allegedly has trouble maintaining a fully hard erection. This is a fairly significant problem in the sack, and not at all an uncommon one once a man crests past forty, even if he is hugely endowed.

Which is a point that many men would be well advised to consider. You don’t need to focus as much on the size of your penis, which is largely beyond your control, and more on what you can do with, which is something that you can control.

One thing that both you and Art Alexakalis would be well advised to do is check out Maxuvia, which combines ten of the best substances for enhancing pretty much every area of your sexual prowess, from increased girth and hardness to lots more stamina. It’s the best thing for your penis since puberty.

Tagged with: Giant Penis

Filed under: Art Alexakalis Everclear

Jimi Hendrix called Lil’ Jimi the, and I quote, Penis Di Milo, presumably because it was made by Italians and had no arms. In spite of this, Hendrix penis managed to pack an awful lot of women into a very short life, partly on account of being reasonably well hung, and partly due to being Jimi Freaking Hendrix.

What you need to keep in mind is that there is a lot of variation in what is considered to be a big penis. On one hand, you have freaks like Tommy Lee, who penis is the male package equivalent of Shaquille O’Neal, or possibly Godzilla. But then there is the more normal size of large penis, which would be more equivalent of Michael Jordan; big but not scary big.

We know that Jimi Hendrix penis was at least six inches long and six inches around, and we know this because he thoughtfully had his penis cast in plaster by famous groupie Cynthia Plaster Caster who, for reasons unknown to anyone whose blood isn’t seventy percent LSD, decided that it would be cool to wander around the sixties taking plaster casts of rock star penises.

So we know how well endowed Jimi was, more or less. I say more or less because Jimi always felt that plaster casting of his package didn’t do it justice. But six inches on the long side of average, and the girth is notably girthy, both of which were instrumental in his popularity with the women.

You don’t have to be a size monster to be popular with the womenfolk, but you should try to make the most of what you’ve got. One of the best ways to do this is to use Maxuvia, which is specially designed help enhance everything you’ve got. It wasn’t around when Jimi was getting his penis plastered, but I can guarantee you that if it was, he would have used it.

Tagged with: Groupies

Filed under: Jimi Hendrix

Richie Sambora is, to be charitable, not much of a looker. He’s always kind of looked like a just past his prime wannabe rock star from New Jersey, even before he became a rock star, which is sort of amazing. In spite of that, he was married for several years to Heather Locklear who, while now being a little long in tooth, is still a head turner and was even more so when she married Sambora.

Now, was it Rich Sambora’s charismatic personality and rock star status that originally attracted Locklear? Well, maybe, but you need to keep in mind that before she dated Sambora, Locklear was going out with legendary penis monster Tommy Lee. If you’re thinking that maybe that means that Sambora is packing, too, well, you’re on the right path.

Now Jon Bon Jovi is definitely the pretty face of that band, but no none did better with the groupies than Richie Sambora, primarily due to his great stamina and huge penis. The only thing better than having a long schlong is knowing what to do with it, and by all accounts, Sambora was gifted in both areas.

Which goes a long way to explaining how a schlubby looking guy bagged both Heather Locklear and Denise Richards and a whole legion of groupies. This is actually something that the average non rock star dude should keep in mind; looks aren’t everything, especially when you’ve got it going on below the belt.

You don’t have to be satisfied with you’ve got either. Maxuvia is specially designed to give you help where it counts the most, giving your bigger and better erections, and giving you the stamina that women will talk about it. You might never be Richie Sambora, but you can learn from his lesson.

Tagged with: Giant Penis • Groupies • Heather Locklear

Filed under: Richie Sambora

You know, if you looked at David Cassidy and his strangely sanded down looking features and elf like body, you would never expect that he was packing a major package down below. Which just goes to show you that you can’t judge a book by its cover or, apparently, a penis by its owner.

Cassidy, of course, is best know for being one of The Partridge Family, a fact that you would expect would have shrunken his manhood to nothingness but apparently had the opposite affect. While his character was meant to be sweet and virginal, the man himself was anything but.

Nicknamed Donk, as in donkey, as in having a big dick, by his jealous brothers he decided fairly early on that if he was packing, he might as well not keep in the holster. Instead, he decided that if he had a big penis and the love of all girls that read Tiger Beat, he ought to be doing something with them. And by doing something, I mean chicks, lots of chicks.

David Cassidy is mostly a cultural relic now, occasionally dug up for the latest version of I Love The Seventies or a Vegas show, but we can all learn a lesson from the Partridge Family Golden Boy; if you’ve got it flaunt it. Even if you don’t have Susan Day around to usher you to adulthood.

You might get it by using Maxuvia, an herbal supplement designed to enhance all that you got in manhood department and allow you to have the kind of good time that David Cassidy did. It won’t give you a hit show or a shag haircut, but Maxuvia can give you harder stronger erections and the increased sex drive to put them to use.

Tagged with: Giant Penis

Filed under: David Cassidy

Tommy Lee’s penis has become famous. There are very few people in the world who get to have a whole chapter of a book dedicated to their penis, but that’s one of the many perks of being Tommy Lee, or at least being Tommy Lee’s penis. Of course, it was his book, so he might be slightly biased in that department.

There is apparently something about being a drummer, because many of rock and roll’s well hung legends are drummers, and Tommy Lee is probably example number one. As the drummer of Motley Crue, he was already semi legendary for bedding women all around the world. But that was before Tommy Lee’s penis got a starring role in one of the most watched celebrity sex tape of all time. The Tommy Lee sex tape with Pamela Anderson has been seen by millions.

Now, back in the Baywatch days, Pamela Anderson was considered to be one of the sexiest women around, and the sight of her running down the beach in slow motion, her most bountiful assets bouncing feely, was enough kick start an entire generation of boys into puberty.

Given her overall level of hotness, it was kind of a surprise when she started to date Tommy Lee. He’s kind of skinny, kind of goonie looking and covered in tattoos. You could say he’s got that whole rock star thing going on, but Motley Crue was well past their prime at that point. It’s since become a lot more clear that Ms. Anderson has a thing for grubby looking rock stars, but what probably cemented this relationship was Tommy Lee’s penis.

Which we got to see in extremely vivid detail when porn film company…er…Vivid, put out the infamous sex tape. Recorded on the Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson’s honeymoon, the appeal was seeing Pamela Anderson buck naked in the living flesh. What we got was Tommy Lee’s penis in a starring role.

Just how big was Tommy Lee’s penis? Well, if you go to urban dictionary and look up Tommy Lee, the sixth or so entry says that Tommy Lee has become a slang term for having a big organ. Frankly, if your name has become the byword for well hung, you’re doing something right.

In the sex video itself, we get to see Tommy using the now infamous member for a variety of things, including driving the boat. He didn’t actually hang a sail off his penis for that, or at least, it wasn’t on the video. In fact, Tommy Lee’s penis was so big that appeared that he could probably have sex with two women at once if he lined them up right. Basically, Tommy Lee’s penis is the Chuck Norris of penises.

Surprisingly, Tommy Lee himself claims to have not believed he had a large penis for a long time, which suggests that he either spent very little time in the showers after gym in high school or that there’s something in the water in where Tommy Lee grew up. In fact, it wasn’t until he started dating porn stars that he believed, figuring that if people’s whose jobs involved lots of penises was saying it, it was probably true.

It was actually kind of amazing that Tommy Lee’s penis stayed a relative secret for so long, given both his and Motley Crue’s reputations. The eighties metal scene was notoriously hard partying, and no nobody partied harder than the Crue did. It was drugs, alcohol and women, pretty much all the time.

Tommy Lee hasn’t made any definitive statements about just how many women he has slept with, unlike Wilt Chamberlain and others, but he has often been to have said to have banged more chicks than he’s banged drums. So you’d have thought his reputation would have gone mainstream a little sooner.

Despite the admittedly ginormous size of Tommy Lee’s penis, he is not reputed to be the best lover in Motley Crue. As it happens, size apparently isn’t everything, since the most skilled sex partner in the Crue is said to have been Nikki Sixx, at least when he wasn’t busy having heart attacks and nearly dying. Which does go a long way to explaining how Sixx managed to bag Kat Von D despite being old enough to be her father and ugly enough to curdle milk.

Which is actually something to keep in mind if you’d like to enjoy some of that rock star lifestyle yourself. The odds are good that you are not going to be able to be a rock star, selling millions of albums and having tons of cash and groupies falling at your feet. And you’re not going to be to have Tommy Lee’s penis unless you’re already genetically blessed.

That’s the bad news; the good news is that you absolutely can reap some of the benefits of the rock star lifestyle and get some of what Tommy Lee or Nikki Sixx have got. You want a rock star penis and a rock star love life, the first thing that you should be looking at is Maxuvia.

Maxuvia is a combination of safe, natural bio active ingredients that are designed to maximize what you’ve got.  If you use it you will get Stronger, harder, erections an increased sex drive and longer lasting erections and more stamina. Now, I’m not saying that Tommy Lee uses something like this to get the most out of what nature and possibly atomic science gave him, but I wouldn’t bet against. If you want what’s got, then Maxuvia is what you need to get.

Tagged with: Giant Penis • Groupies • Sex Tape

Filed under: Sex Tape • Tommy Lee Penis